Wonder when i can stay in peace like yesterdays... staying in a dark and peaceful nights with no light and noises. Happy with my family chatting about simple life stories with a pot of hot tea under the many stars dotting the sky.
I'm kinda lost sometimes on who i am and who i'm trying to be.
IF i were to freely decide by myself... if i were to be on my own self... if i were alone... if i were not trying to be a smart boy since the earlier time... if i didn't know the king... if i didn't know anything at all... i would marry my simple pretty wife and lead a life so peaceful... Wouldn't that be beautiful to make your girl and your whole family laugh a simple stupid joke.
I wonder why i could sleep so well there, but feel like hell every night trying to close my eyes here. I wonder why i need to think that much and why i cannot stop it.
Why do i need to prove you my self dignity... I'm stupid and insane... i'm telling you that i'm not as smart as you... or i'm more stupid than you, my friends. I wonder why i alw try to impress you that i'm not stupid too... oh i won't do it anymore.
I will try my best to do what i want to... and not because of you. It's me now, and no matter how, i won't look back into your face and tell you that i regret or i'm happy... i won't see you... but you can just know that i'm happy like so.
I'm going back to my hometown, Samrom village, Rokapopram commune, Tbong Khmum district, Kg Cham province... (ភូមិសមរម្យ ឃុំរកាពប្រាំ ស្រុកត្បូងឃ្មុំ ខេត្តកំពង់ចាម)។ We'll celebrate our peace. Good bye.
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
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