THE OLD STORY

A father and a son... the love...

I remembered the time that we were together on that old motorbike running through ranges of rubber trees. You were so proud of me.

I rarely had a chance to call you again... You went away... if our family had not broken, we'd not have been that poor. My mother always cried; i hated you.

I hated those neighbors and those men looking down on my mum... If you were around always, we'd not have been treated that way.

I was too small to remember when you actually left us alone; and i almost forget your face when you came back that one time years later. I remembered mum was crying a lot. She talked a lot as she was drunk that night... she never drank before. She asked you to stay back, but you said you needed to go... it was a responsibility to take care of your younger kids. They needed you more...

We were thriving for life; everyone of us were working hard to survive... we were never happy even if i got prizes or sth. I hardly remembered if i had ever smiled with mum, brothers, and sister.

Mum sold fish and everything until her older age. She said she was so afraid of sins. I convinced her there were no sins on earth. I'm forced not to believe in sins... When you were here, life was not this tough; at least we could still smile sometimes.

Years later when i got a bit mature, you were back again with your new family... I'd like to have father, but i never missed you that time... I saw you but not often. From then, i understood life better; i was always saying you were so wrong, not smart... you beated me up.

I were ready to be chopped down with the axe on your hand that cool night... i didn't like the way you spoke... i hate drunk man. I realized later that you were just not brave enough to talk with me undrunk. After those countless quarrels between a father and a son, you were always sending me a letter.. i couldn't remember how many i had read either.

"I love you and everyone... I confessed my wrongdoing; can't be forgiven. Forget this father. But don't be upset of your destiny. Never be upset of your life... Remember it's life... For me as father, i always believe in you growing to be a better person. I strongly believe in you. I'm proud of you even with this upbringing. Be strong always my son..."

You liked writing and the contents of your writings were always that same old song except for the last two you gave.

I felt that you loved me.. and i never know how it was true. I loved you as you gave me this life... this head... this whole body... and especially this life lessons. I was really angry with you last time but it never happened again after i got out better in my state of living.

I never have any revenge in mind. All i want is to make everyone of you happy. I did tell you. I asked you to take care of yourself.. and i'd make you proud of yourself and proud of me again..

But maybe i hadn't taken it serious enough... i didn't know the sun would lose its shines even before dusk. I wish i could talk to you personally in your fully awake mind... i could never. I asked to meet you when i'd lost in the dark, still you never wanted to give me a chance.

I never saw your loving face again since i was very young... now i can't see your face forever... My Great Father!

I miss you.

If it's true, may we be in the whole family again with you in your own self.

Now i'll erasing your old story and i'm building a good new one for you. May you be with me forever. Father.